someone you can come to....

So I said in my first post I would tell you of the guy I am madly in love with (I also told you I would tell you of my sister... but, trust me, it is worth the wait on that one).  Here's most of the scoop... I don't want to let everything out at once...

I became best friends with a guy I will refer to as Kent (*this is not his real name and I have changed it only if he finds this blog - which is probably never - but just to cover my ass*) during my sophomore year of high school.  We clicked.  Nothing else.  We just... clicked.  The communication between us both was random dialogue here and there, but I told myself I would eventually fall in love and marry him.  Well, at least one of those happened...

Kent and I, after a few years of being "just friends," decided to take our relationship to the next level before I left for college.  Kent, a year younger than I, was staying in our hometown.  I moved 45 minutes away to attend college.  The night before I had to leave, Kent kissed me.  I have never (ever) felt the way I did when he kissed me that night.  I have never since had a guy kiss me like that (though it was just a peck on the lips), and it meant the world to me.  We were together after that for 4 1/2 years, until I moved 8 hours away to law school.

Kent has been the only one to ever understand me.  By "me," I mean the real me.  Nothing was sugar-coated or fake with him.  Nothing was hidden.  Everything was out in the open.  We both had faults.  We both didn't care. 

However, what we both did differ about was the fact that we were so far apart.  That caused most of our fights.  Nothing more.  Just the fact that we were far apart did us in and kept us apart.... and, unfortunately, still does.  I have never felt more depressed than I did when our relationship fell apart (I mentioned in the last post that it was the last time I cut -- before that, it had been about 6 months). 

As depressed as I felt, I turned my sights on hoping to find someone here in Jacksonville.  This was a failure.  I hate to admit failure, but I will completely give in to this one.  I thought I had one that was good -- however, 4 months after dating he told me he never really tried in our relationship.  His name was Chase (a real name this time... if this were a Taylor Swift song it would not be pretty (p.s. - I hate Taylor Swift, so that was a rare shout-out)). 

All I can ever think about is Kent.  He not only was my best friend, my companion and my confidant... he also saved my life.  That's for a later date though... him saving my life is not the big picture here.  The big picture here is that I have always, and will always, be in love with Kent.  It just took me an emotional ride and a trillion miles between both of us to realize why.

Moral of the story: "You cannot break free until you let go."  However, breaking free isn't always the best option, for you may find in the end you fall instead of break free.  I fell.... hard.